It’s Oscar night, and I’m trying my hand at liveblogging, AKA writing a running commentary while an event is underway. The only problem is that I pulled out my computer a little late. A serious liveblogger would have been doing a pre-show and would have had laptop at the ready. I’m a little slow on the uptake here. My only real complaint so far has been about the Best Song recipient. I CANNOT believe a song called “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” won an Oscar. But name notwithstanding, it wasn’t even that great of a song. And I like hip hop. I didn’t think any of the songs were really that outstanding, but really. Musically, the only good thing about it was the interesting use of timpani. On the whole, bo-ring. Not to mention the pummeling of many years of feminism. It’s hard for a pimp? What about “It’s Hard Out Here For A Ho?”

Right now we’re on Best Actress–all the buzz has been about Reese, and I’m betting on her–but I think Felicity Huffman (Transamerica), who I predicted as winner a few weeks ago, has a chance too. The Academy does seem to like women who uglify themselves. But I kind of think this is Reese’s day. So let’s see. Here we go… and the Oscar goes to… Reese Witherspoon! Aw, she’s so adorable and southern and her dress is fantastic. I’m glad I got this one right, because I made a fool of myself earlier when I predicted David Strathairn (Good Night and Good Luck) for best actor. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I think all that’s left is Best Director and Best Picture. Oh, nope, I forgot screenplay–and that’s even two categories! Okay, so for adapted, we’ve got Brokeback, Capote, History of Violence, Munich… I’m betting on Brokeback, as always. I finally saw the damn thing yesterday, and I had to go by myself because everyone, including my parents, had already seen it. I’m totally enraptured.

Hey, I’m right! Wow, they’re playing that song for like the zillionth time tonight.

On to original screenplay. I think this one is easily going to go to Crash, but Match Point might put up a fight. Before the show they said this was the one year Woody Allen (who has a history of snubbing the Oscars) would have attended the ceremony if he’d gotten a director nod, but he didn’t. Ironic.

Nope, Crash it is.

Here comes Tom Hanks to present Best Director. Man, this guy is going to get a lifetime achievement award someday. What a quality guy. Let’s see… I think it’s between Paul Haggis, Ang Lee and George Clooney. That’s not narrowing it down much, I know. Hmm… OK, I guess I’ll go for BROKEback (ha ha) and pick Ang Lee.

Oh, I’m good! I guess it helps that I happen to be rooting for the film that’s garnered the most critical attention and the most box office success of all the Best Picture nominees. Before Ang even finishes his speech I’m going to predict Brokeback for Best Picture. Other than Best Actress, that’s the one category that most people have been agreeing on.

Ugh, Jack Nicholson is presenting Best Picture. People are laughing and he’s not even saying anything funny! I don’t understand it. It’s amazing that his voice alone can inspire whatever emotion he wants. Here we go… come on, Brokeback…

OH MY GOD. Crash???

Wow. Didn’t see that coming. I feel a little sheepish. The looks on the producers’ faces are hilarious! No one else tonight has let surprise show like that. Man, I saw Crash last summer and liked it a lot, if I remember correctly, but I certainly didn’t think, “that’s a future Best Picture right there.”

The wrap up: Crash wins three, including orig. screenplay and picture; Brokeback wins three, including adap. screenplay and director; Geisha won three artsy awards; King Kong won three techie awards. No clear “big winner” like a Titanic or a Million Dollar Baby. And Jon Stewart was funny, although I don’t think the Hollywood audience thought so.

UPDATE: Ohhhh! The airheaded chick on E! just said that awful “Pimp” song was from Crash. It’s from Hustle & Flow, you moron. Just because Crash is about race doesn’t mean it would stoop to having a song as ridiculous as that as its ambassador. The song from Crash, which was actually very pretty, didn’t win the category.

UPDATE #2: One of the Williams sisters (I think Serena) just called Philip Seymour Hoffman “Philip Semen Hoffmour.” LOL!

Technorati tag: ,